of self

affliction, anguish, annoyance, apologies, bitterness, care, compunction, concern, conscience, contrition, demur, disappointment, discomfort, dissatisfaction, dole, grief, heartache, heartbreak, lamentation, misgiving, nostalgia, pang, penitence, qualm, regretfulness, remorse, repentance, ruefulness, scruple, self-accusation, self-condemnation, self-disgust, self-reproach, sorrow, uneasiness, woe, worry


Regret is an sad word.
I'd like to say I don't have any,
But I have many...
And I feel helpless to fix them.

This is a week of self-reflection for me.
I'm such a person of pattern, of habit, of familiarity, and of regret.
My priorities are mixed up.
I need to seriously consider what is important to me, what is good for me, and what I really just need to get over.
And for the first time in a long time, I actually have time to really consider...myself.
No summer homework, no school, no endless to do list.
I'm free.

Today I sat in a chair at the christian book store for an hour pouring over potential books for the new college group at my church.
However, I left the store by "chance", with a graduates bible.
I had been meaning to buy a small bible with a closure that I could keep in my purse for sometime now...but I didn't get around to it until now.
I looked through all the bibles and the only one I could find that fit my financial needs ($20) with my specifications was the graduates bible. It also happens to be a Holman Christian Standard Bible, which is the same translation as the apologetics study bible I bought a year or so ago (which I really like).

All this to say, I need to take full advantage of the time and material God is giving me.

I am reminded of Philippians 4:6-8 - "⁶Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ⁸Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. "
I know these verses, but my application is mediocre at best.

I begin a new phase of life today and I want to make the most of it.
So here's to a life of purpose and contentment.


achievement, amends, amusement, atonement, bliss, cheerfulness, comfort, compensation, complacency, conciliation, contentedness, satisfaction, delight, ease, enjoyment, fulfillment, gladness, good fortune, gratification, happiness, indemnification, indulgence, joy, justice, peace of mind, pleasure, pride, propitiation, recompense, redress, refreshment, reimbursement, relief, reparation, repletion, resolution, reward, satiety, serenity, settlement, vindication, well-being

1 week mark.

It's one week until I graduate.
Finals start tomorrow.

I get out to my car after school and notice a slip on my windshield.

...I got a parking citation.
SEVEN days. how is that for bad luck?
And I've never gotten one before.
It's almost funny.

graduation!

Today, I was called into my counselors office to recieve my graduation honors stole and cord...

AND
I got an official note stating I am the salutatorian!
and I don't have to stand on stage or give a speech!

i'm back once more.

I think this is the third blog I've had.
I feel as though I should start anew when I've gone through a particularly long dry spell.
So I have.

I graduate from high school in two and a half weeks, on June 9th. Unreal. I am ecstatic...
and a bit lost.
Nonetheless, I am looking forward to an incredibly long summer (almost four months!) and going to the University of Washington next year. All I know about that is I will be looking into a career in the medical field (currently liking the sound of being in nutrition or a PA) and that I will be living in the woman's UCU house.


As for this summer, things are turning out very differently than I had hoped. However, in the course of the last few days, God has definitely shown me where and what I need to be doing in the coming months and I feel an amazingly peaceful sense of direction in my life that I have been searching for fervently. At first, I was very disappointed that I was not going to be doing staff this summer at Lakeside...it seemed like the perfect opportunity. I have prayed about it alot, and while I was considering becoming lifeguard certified to do staff, I will not be doing so. I feel strongly that God wants me in a different place this summer.

My current plans are:
- working full time at Old Navy (eek...) AND getting a pay raise.
- looking for another job (in the food industry) so I can have two part time jobs and fold clothes for 20 hours a week instead of 40....
- participating in my church's one-on-one discipleship program!
- volunteering at my local food bank
- going on as many as 5 vacations (camping, senior trip, disneyland, church camp-out, and relatives in kansas)
- continuing playing drums for sunday morning services
- going on many day adventures (all the touristy things I have never done in seattle and much, much more)
- buying a laptop (i'm hoping to go with a macbook...but it seems a bit unrealistic for my current financial state.)
- and finally,

I am trying to start a college-age bible study/group at my church. I am super excited for it and hope all works out. It's really the one age group at our church that is left out...we have had one before but it fell through and I'd love to see it come back. I discussed ideas with a possible host/leader for the group and really want to make it inviting, fun, and in-depth. Study material ideas and activities (group sports, bbqs, boating, etc etc) are constantly running through my head. I need to work out some details and research some materials with my pastor, but all in all, though primitive, it is going well!

Ahh...summer. I cannot wait.